The Funnel Weaver

There is a funnel-weaving spider on my deck,

which reappears each year to build its ragged web,

although whether it is the same one I can't tell.

Perhaps an ancestral procession of such beasts?

Lurking in its tunnel, it takes a peek at me

sometimes with its eight eyes when I chance to appear.

Araneomorphae, it’s thought, evolved two hundred

million years ago and have been weaving funnels

all that time. I came much more recently myself,

but look on this arachnid pal fraternally,

which has so long known how to stave off entropy

's ever-present threat. Martingales,* though, should never

bet against thermodynamics’ Second Law, an

astrophysicist says.† So quit while I'm ahead?

*See Roger Mansuy, "The Origins of the Word ‘Martingale.’" Electronic Journal for History of Probability and Statistics 5, no. 1 (June 2009). Originally, it referred to a  betting strategy popular in 18th-century France. Cf. Jacques Rozier’s 2001 film Fifi Martingale, starring the lovely Lili Vonderfeld as Fifi.

†Jacob Bekenstein (1947–2015), recognized "for his ground-breaking work on black hole entropy, which launched the field of black hole thermodynamics."

Wednesday, July 16, 2025

Imitations (cont'd): "Einstein Hair"

Tempted to let my hair grow like Einstein's—

Not pretending to any scientific emulation,

But simply because it's more convenient

And might even look better—

I find that I have a genetic condition

Called Uncombable Hair Syndrome (UHS),

Cheveux incoiffables (in French), or "spun-glass hair":

"While sometimes observed with other disorders,

it is believed [to be] an isolated disease."†

There's no treatment, just use soft brushes and gentle conditioners.

I guess I'll do as I please!

Heinrich Hoffman's "Struwwelpeter"(1845/61)

† Ü. Basmanav, F. Buket; Cau, Laura; Tafazzoli, Aylar; et al. (December 2016). "Mutations in Three Genes Encoding Proteins Involved in Hair Shaft Formation Cause Uncombable Hair Syndrome". American Journal of Human Genetics. 99 (6): 1292–1304.

Tuesday, July 15, 2025

Borborygmus

. . . believing in his existence was rather like still seeing certain stars although they ceased to exist thousands of years ago.

—Robert Musil, The Man without Qualities (1930), on Franz Joseph I, Austrian emperor and king of Hungary (1830–1916)

Enormity’s its own just desert; it

Pays a parting price: digested by Time's

Anaconda, History, celebrity's Great

Become microbiota in the dark realm

Where deceased lobbyists best fit;

Perhaps from the gut a final rumble—

Borborygmus's last advice;

It rejected, they vanish in a trice,

Expelled to Tartarus, Hell's deep in ancient lay,

Where their tergiversating spirits bumble,

And their features fade like morning mist,

Lacking the wherewithal for any further stay.

His office, Vice-president John Nance Garner

Informed his fellow Uvalde County Texan LBJ,

One day, "warn’t worth a bucket of tepid piss.”

July 13/14, 2025