Dark Energy

The Dark Energy Spectroscopic Instrument (DESI) at the Kitt Peak National Observatory in Arizona's Sonoran Desert

The universe—now 13.77 billion years old—is estimated to consist 71.4% of dark energy, 24% of dark matter, and 4.6% of visible matter.

"What rub-a-dub is that?"—Carlyle

Dark Energy, naturally, is God.

Dark Matter must be Beelzebub.

Thomistic proof of this is found,

But jurisdiction is the rub,

For if it's the other way around,

Why, Hell's three-quarters of the sky!

Mapping forty million galaxies

And quasar two-point clustering,

Including redshift-space distortions,

DESI* notes the universe slowing down.

Could be a cinder in its eye—

Explaining latter-day contortions

In a few billion years or so, for certain,

When Kronos drops the final curtain.

Ross Douthat will scoop the story

In the pages of the New York Times . . .

But don't forget: You first saw it here:

Nobodaddy wins predict these lines!

Envoi

DESI's been reported cancelled—

The DOE* must trim its budget—

Some news, it seems, is not worth knowing.

The end of everything redacted,

Nobodaddy'll reap the rot we're sowing,

Harvest of a fate enacted.

Why art thou silent & invisible

Father of jealousy

Why dost thou hide thyself in clouds

From every searching Eye

—William Blake, "To Nobodaddy"

*DESI—Dark Energy Spectroscopic Instrument

†DOE—U.S. Department of Energy

Thursday, May 29, 2025